Diary of a Spooky Man - Part 3
by Rhys Michelis
Day 6 - Settle
The touring party awoke, and attempted to brush away the cobwebs of imbibement and football watching by migrating to a cafe up the road. Breakfasts were had (and second breakfasts in some cases) before the tour reconvened, and the decision was made to detour to Settle via Bolton Abbey and the Strid.
The Strid (for those unfamiliar with its existence and reputation, like the author) is a stretch during which the River Wharfe narrows to a patch of whitewater rapids only a few metres across. What can’t be seen from the surface is a cavern many metres deep carved by the flow. So perilous is the Strid that it is rumoured that few have ever fallen in and made it out alive. The Spooky Men observed from a mostly safe distance, and made some scientific observations by throwing sticks and weeds in to observe the flow. All that science worked up a Spooky appetite, and the party ambled back to the affixed tea room, where there remained only two fruit scones to feed 15 hungry soldiers. Some desserters fled to another tea room where there was more stock, while others again went for a dip far enough downstream to be mostly assured of safety.
Having reached their natural environment quota for the day, the party chugged along in B+B+P unto the charming little market town of Settle. Beset by a craggy cliff landscape, the Spooky Men enjoyed a quick sit in the garden cafe area adjacent the Victoria Hall venue, abducted an inflatable pool orca and soundchecked. There was then time for a little wander and explore before dinner was served by the venue - an absolute gobsmacking feast comprising but not limited to two trays of cottage pie, a tray of vegan cottage pie, a vegetarian lasagne, a chicken bake and a large gluten free vegan chocolate cake.
The gig was had, with dressing room interval mirth derived from the plucking and bowing of a nearby phonofiddle, before the Spooky Men wafted into the gracious hospitality of the Settle Spooky Billet Club chapter. The author, along with Spooky Men Adam and Mikey would like to thank Caroline and Malcolm for their post-gig cheese feast.
Day 7 - Kendal
The Spooky Men thanked (I hope) their billets, and vehiculated before making for the lake district. Long had been the plan for leisure activities in Grasmere, and it was actioned in due course.
B+B+P decanted their live cargo onto the streets of Grasmere, which spread out thence. First stop for many brave souls was the gingerbread shop, to procure exactly what you’d expect. Next, there was attempt to divide and conquer, and a very awkward exchange in which a party of seven Spooky personages tabulated, decamped, evaluated and redecamped a table at a lovely café only to change their mind and make for another tea room. The author would like to extend his apologies to any members of the public confused by this manoeuvre.
The chosen tea room was Faeryland, where despite their best efforts all 16 of the party ordered tea and a scone at the same time. The establishment admirably kept up with demand, and approx 16 fruit scones with jam and clotted cream were eaten, along with assorted teas. There were some psychopathic swans monstering nearby ducks who provided macabre entertainment. The party then walked around the town’s eponymous mere before getting back on the vans to be the evening’s entertainment.
Back at the Kendal Brewery Arts Centre sound was checked, venue provided pizza and chips was eaten and sack was hackied before the gig got underway. The gig was a fun one, commencing with side-of-stage flatulence hilarity, and continuing with the crowd bringing feel-good Friday energy. The vibe was so good that the party could almost move beyond the sorrow of the Socceroos going out of the world cup. Almost. At its conclusion half the party made the trek to the city centre Travelodge, while the other half were gratefully billeted by the Kendal Spooky Billet Club chapter.
Day 8 - Gateshead
The Spooky Men awoke to a misty Kendal morning, and converged from their various lodgings to graze upon the town’s breakfast offerings. A leisurely call time of 12:30 PM was set for vannage, at which time the caravan rolled on.
Two hours later, the party found itself in Gateshead. The venue backstage security system took a picture to go with each printed name badge, with the silly picture ambitions of several Spooks being scuppered by the poor resolution and line artefacting of the printer. In the couple hours between arrival and soundcheck the sights and sounds of Gateshead were inspected: several bridges were crossed and their modes of opening for naval traffic noted, the Baltic museum (free entry!) was cursorily visited and the Glasshouse building housing the venue observed from across the Tyne. Sources differ on the architectural inspiration thereof, ranging from slugs to peanuts.
The vibe of the gig was wonderful, with the in-the-round setting contributing to a special atmosphere, despite one audience member from the second floor’s assassination attempt on the Spookmeister with a falling clipboard. So nice was the feeling in the room that the line converged on Spooky Man Adam and the Spookmeister for a group hug and some swaying, much to the Spookmeister’s displeasure. “Imposter” also made its way into the set for the first time, a milestone moment in any Spooky tour. A special shoutout is also in order for backstage manager Paul, who produced a clipboard that the party found itself deeply in need of. Thank you Paul!
At gig’s resolution B+B+P rolled tiredly to the Cobalt Park Travelodge, where several tables were pulled into a T shape (motivation unclear) for a valedictory libation for Spooky Manager Nell. Songs were sung, pints were drunk, the penultimate gig of the first 9-gig swing was in the rear view mirror.
Day 9 - Alnwick
Sparse was the industrial landscape of Cobalt Park that the Spooky Men found themselves in Sunday morning, with breakfast acquiescently scrounged from the Travelodge buffet and plans quickly made to be theren’t.
Your faithful author found himself aboard the good ship Beauty with six other Spooky souls trundling inexorably towards Alnmouth for a British beach experience and some morning tea. Parked aside the suspiciously specific “oldest 9-hole links course in England”, the party inhaled some scones, soups and local marine delicacies before Spooky Man Mikey, doing his best Mr Banks impression, suggested that the Spooky Men go fly a kite. Undeterred by stubborn cloud cover and drizzle, each of the party kited to variant degrees of success, with the flying style of each adjudged to be a window to the temperament of the flyer. Sack was also sandily hackied, and approx 60% of the beach deposited on Beauty’s floor before departing for Alnwick (pronounced “Annick”for some reason) proper.
No sooner had the troops alit in Alnwick than they piled into Barter Books, second hand bookstore extraordinaire, initially for a cream tea followed by curious perusal of the stacks, wide eyed fascination at the model train set up (for every converted-train-station-cum-book-store requires a model train track) and appreciation for the quotation from ‘Crossing the Bar’ that adorned the far wall. Childlike awe quota met, the party returned to the venue, where sound was checked and a delightful curry dinner obliterated. The gig and the crowd were delightful, despite the Spookmeister’s best efforts to put them offside with remarks about the unusual glass pane barrier in the auditorium demarcating the portion of the audience “out on day release”.
Back at the Cobalt Park Travelodge, the libation streak continued as a more sensible agglomeration of tables was created for the farewell of Spooky Man Corey (off home to Australia for the last time before commencing a PhD in Scotland) and Spooky Man Lee (off home not to Australia before not starting a PhD in Scotland). At last there was relief in the camp for the first tranche of 9 gigs without repose had been vanquished.
Stay tuned for description of the mid-tour break and more!
P.s Congratulations to Martin Gibbons who has overtaken Sheila and Carol to be the undisputed SpooKwiz leader on a respectable 18/25. Will he be outdone? Time will tell. Give the quiz a go in the front page of spookymen.com
