Diary of a Spooky Man
by Rhys Michelis
Day 0 - Oxford Rehearsal
And it came to pass that the Spooky Touring Machine got on the road for the 2026 UK tour. Spooky tourists from as far as the Blue Mountains and as near as around the corner converged on the (aptly named for the 35°C weather) Summertown Arts Community to swot up for the journey ahead. A sojourn to Oxford Spooky HQ followed, at which time a concerted effort was made to fold (using official spooky folding technique) some of the 600 odd tshirts printed to commemorate the tour. Spooky forecat Looshkin oversaw proceedings until it was found that 500g of rubber bands was woefully insufficient for the task. After a communal dinner, the Spookies diffused throughout Oxford like a flatus through a poorly ventilated tour van and took repose amongst the dreaming spires.
Day 1 - Salisbury
Having successfully dreamt of Mastodons, the party engaged in distributed breakfasting, aptly aided and abetted by the wonderful Oxford chapter of Spooky billets (the author would like to thank Kathryn and James for their hospitality, and use of their lake). Following breakfast and a crack of dawn rubber band acquisition mission, further clandestine shirt folding was carried out, after which Spooky Man (and former tour diarist) Nic Macken flexed his merch box tetris muscles in the back of the van.
Once all comers converged, a tour meeting was held, with Spooky Tour Manager Adam Birkett laying down the law regarding call times (“not aspirational”), personal wellbeing and the bylaws regarding East Plymouth Declarations. Tour vans “Beauty” and “the Beast”, along with car disappointingly named “Paul” hit the road for Salisbury, arriving nought but 90 mins later to bump in and go for a wander. A small raiding party went to inspect Salisbury cathedral (with the tallest spire in England!), only to be confounded by an ordination precluding cathedral visitation.
Sound was checked, dinner was eaten and (incredibly cute) ducklings were observed before the first gig of the tour got underway in earnest - a wonderful sold out show at Salisbury Playhouse with a suspiciously hexagonally shaped seating structure and an interior temperature approaching the inside of a freshly toasted crumpet. Audients fanned themselves in the heat as songs were sung, the Georgian Section was observed and feelings were had. After the gig, Spooky Merch Queen Coral was rescued from her cupboard under the stairs, and the jubilant touring party was ferried to the Southampton Eastleigh (not to be confused with Eastleigh Southampton) Travelodge. Amid sweltering heat, Spooky heads were reacquainted with pillows, having earnt another night’s rest.
Day 2 - Portsmouth
Bright tailed and bushy eyed, day dawned on the Spooky machine in the Southampton Eastleigh Travelodge, which promptly rumbled to the adjacent Harvester eager to consume a half dozen classic breakfasts, a confusingly laid out menu and an hour of the day. Caffeinated and content, Beauty and the Beast (and Paul) set off for Portsmouth, arriving soundly at the Guildhall around lunch time.
Upon arrival the party deflocculated, with clumps spreading out to four corners of the city. One clump ascended the spinnaker tour, another the local Haribo shop. In the nautical spirit of the place, two brave argonauts sailed swiftly to the local Argos for the acquisition of the card reader. Several clumps agglomerated at a café/bar, obtaining some of the most obscene cheese toasties known to man.
Further debate about the shape of the setlist was borne out using the time-honoured Spooky system of gauging grunts of assent and dissent. After several long minutes of deliberation, it was decided that nothing in the set needed to change. After agistment on the flavoursome pastures of Portsmouth’s nearest restauranteurs, it was time for the gig.
The cavernous Guildhall auditorium was ably garrisoned by 400-odd of the concert-going public, who listened, laughed and (it must be said) went significantly more bananas than the Salisbury crowd. An Australian flag was sighted in the crowd, a man danced with admirable abandon for the whole of Tee Tee Tay Tay, and sources say that an otherwise baffled stage security guard indicated he was looking to find love once he was more emotionally mature. A good time was had by all.
After bumping out, the Spooky camp questioned the choice of declining the hovercraft van upgrade pre-tour, as the drive-away to Gosport would have been 26 minutes quicker but for the pesky interposition of Portsmouth Harbour. Nonetheless, after a pint, a chalky haribo strawberry and a spirited gig debriefing, the Spooky Men’s Chorale once more retired from the waking world.
Stay tuned for the next tour diary update in a couple days!
