Diary of a Spooky Man - Part 6
by Robbie Mills
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, reinforcements gather to replace those snatched from the line by the relentless and long-reaching arm of capitalist obligation. Among that number is the darling Rhys; one who put much love and care into keeping the populace appraised of the Spooky movements, both bowel and geographical. As such I have been wheeled out of storage to give you a glimpse behind the curtain, and see the Second Half through the eyes of a slightly more tired Spooky Man.
As it turns out the United Kingdom is quite far away from Australia, providing plenty of opportunities for someone with clinically low travel anxiety to make the pilgrimage as difficult as possible. Did I leave my laptop on the first flight? Perhaps. Did I get the dates wrong on my immigration documentation? If you are from the UKVI then no, I did not. Some will read this and shake their heads in dismay, but I would like to think it is far more impressive to overcome such hardships to arrive safely than to simply be organised in the first place. That said, despite my best efforts I landed in the correct country on the correct day with several fresh pairs of socks, and the Second Half begins.
Day 20 - Bristol
The Spooky Men trickled in over the course of the day to gather at St George’s Hall in Bristol. The newcomers included myself, Daniel, Samuels, Adrian, Sills, and Spooky debutant Brett. There was much patting of backs and manful tears as reunions took place, and observations were made on new hair losses and gains in various areas. Our newly christened Tour Manager Mikey established a semblance of order and we had a lovely sing together out on the grass under a mysterious glowing orb in the English sky.
We were lucky enough to be supported in this first gig by the incredible Murmurations - a group of white-clad, hatless, pleasant individuals with angelic voices. Needless to say the visual whiplash when the Spooky Men took the stage was jarring. That said, I don’t know what they have in the water in Bristol, but it appears to nurture an absolute ferality for fools in hats singing silly songs. We were blessed to have a spectacular crowd - singing along incredibly, dancing like maniacs, and weeping in all the right areas. Murmurations also added their voices from the balcony, and joined us on the stage for a mighty encore. The heat was no hindrance, and we rested that night with very full hearts.
Day 21 - Pontardawe
It was a short-lived stint of being able to pronounce the names of the towns we passed through, but Wales made up for it by having one of the most beautiful Abbeys we have had the pleasure of visiting. After a glamorous daily meeting in the local Tesco car park, we made our way to Tintern Abbey in Monmouthshire. Our second meeting of the day had a far nicer backdrop; under the mottled shade of the willows by the water, the nearly 1000 years old Abbey looming above, and still looking spectacular despite Henry VIII’s best efforts.
Unfortunately the good vibes were short lived, as six Spooks visited the Tintern tea room, and only five scones were available. What could have ended in a whirlwind of violence was mollified by the local pub, which fortunately had some spare pints. It also unexpectedly had an extraneous Spooky Man in it, as Adam Birkett just so happened to be having a weekend away about a block from Tintern Abbey.
Now feeling culturally enriched and calorically augmented, we entered the delightful town of Pontardawe. Unfortunately at this point I become somewhat narratively inhibited, as the jet lag swoops in with full force. The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur. A few things stand out from the gig, namely Taberner pointing out to the audience that they “have a bit of a bovine nature” about them. I also have some vague memories of forgetting what song we were singing while in the middle of the song, which I didn’t know was possible.
Day 22 - Abergavenny
Our new Tour Manager more than earned his title as we were granted zero commitments until 12pm the next day, so with the jet no longer lagged we lined up an excursion to Clydach Gorge. We were shorter on time than expected, so we cleverly decided to take our own custom route that would hypothetically bring us alongside some lovely waterfalls. Needless to say it did not, and after a couple of miles of trekking up some small mountains we ended up in a field of shoulder-high ferns, which is close to the opposite of a waterfall. But then, like something out of a Brother’s Grimm fairytale, we stumbled across a mysterious caravan full of self-service sweets, ice creams, soft drinks, and tea. An honesty box awaited our coinage, and we left with cornetto in hand.
Our gig that evening was at the Borough Theatre, the labyrinthine nature of which I believe was the original inspiration for the tale of Theseus and the Minotaur. Unlike Theseus however we were blessed with an air conditioned theatre for the first time, and no one had to be stabbed.
Unfortunately the gods were clearly disappointed that we all finally navigated our way to the stage, and the man-line was struck with illness mid-gig. Dearest Robin was excused, and some impromptu re-shuffling took place to balance out the parts. Those of you who have seen us before would know that there is a decent amount of choreography in some of the songs, and as it turns out the Spooky Men aren’t very good at adjusting when a man is removed. What followed was a somewhat disastrous but extremely entertaining mess of the Swedish Folk Song. Many of the Spooks were left teary-eyed from the giggles brought about by completely bollocking important maneuvers. Also the staff kept the bar open after the gig which was nice.
A massive thank you to the amazing fans at Bristol, Pontardawe, and Abergavenny. We couldn’t ask for a better start to this leg of the journey. Lots of love to you all, and I promise we’ll make the next one of these shorter.
Blessings,
Spooky Man Robbie
